Tomb Raider
0700 hours - Max R sends out a group message to 8 unfortunate sleepy souls. His alarm is this -
" y'all down to watch tomb raider tonight? "
It still haunts the group to this day ( it was yesterday ).
I am not affected, I've been up since 4am. I've gotten old and when I wake up for a morning expedition to the bathroom ( from being a well hydrated-ed human ) I can't fall back asleep. Plus the wakey wakey for worky worky alarm is set for 5am.
Eddie - " The one with Angelina Jolie that came out in 2001? Heck Yeah! "
Max R - " honestly that sounds sick too. so our place? lol. "
The place is set, after some hard negotiating, the time is set and with one final condition ( mini corn dogs ) the movie night is a go.
2000 hours - *Knock Knock* wait its probably open.. yup its open.
Eddie - " Hey Max! "
Max R - " Hey Eddie! "
I beeline to the oven but the mini corn dogs rightful place is already occupied by pizza pockets. I pull out the tray, I graciously sprinkle the MCD's on top of the pizza pockets. I inquire -
" When's everyone coming? "
By everyone I mean Max T and maybe Inna Don't Worry About It, all the other flakes are flakey flake flake flakers.
The front door opens up - it's Max T. At that moment I see in his eyes, their anger say it all - I remember my coffee grinder, my sweet sweet coffee catalyst. I remember its beautiful melodies as it hummed my mornings into meaning. My gracious grinder! Why has this world taken you away from me *emoji tear face*! AHHH you were my all, my meaning, my joy, my reason to be! Why has this cruel man taken you from me! What was his quarrel?! I hate this man! This stupid taker of everything, this stupid breaker of you!
" Oh hi Eddie! "
" Hey Max! "
Max T is a financier advisor whose maxim is " are you going to finish those fries? "
We make way to check out Max R's new yet incomplete computer setup -
- 6TB NAS Hard Disk Drive - 5400 RPM Class SATA 6 Gb/s 64MB Cache
- Samsung 850 PRO - 256GB - 2.5-Inch SATA III Internal SSD
- Intel Core i7-7820X with 8/16 Core/Threads
- A Liquid Cooled Wall Mounted Chassis with LED's
We don't get to the video card, argument ensues if Max R will be able to stay standing behind his stand up desk for more than 6 hours of gaming. Max T says naahhh, Max R says yeah huh.
*Ding* - The timer has rung on our patience, we must start Tomb Raider.
The pizza pockets and MCD's are still cooking - love is patient.
We sit down mini corn dog less and begin the movie.
The cheesy opening sequence is telling of its time. Released in 2001 and starring Brad Pitt's ex-wife it's surprisingly enjoyable being 17 years old. With bad British accents and great action sequences, the movie entertains. It's plot ain't bad but I can't say the same for it's CGI or Green Screen ( not sure what was used ), but hey! It's a 2001 movie. Brad Pitt's ex-wife seems to be the only non male in the whole movie and whilst being wealthy & having a butler unable to afford a bra, which gives her rather pointy breasts and according to the internet is a homage to the original game. Google " tomb raider game pointy breasts " for a funny.
*Ding* - The pizza pockets & MCD's are ready. My love has turned to gluttony & my pants too tight. I've eaten 20 + little food angels.
It's late now & a school night, I go home. I've left the movie for my bed. One must work, not everyone can afford a butler. Bras must be bought.
*Editor whispers to Eddie*
Eddie - " Wait what? Guys aren't wearing bras? They're not called bros? It's not the trend now? I don't have to wear this 38C? Your only telling me this now? You know how much these things cost right? Damn that salesperson, she's good. Can we hire her? Oh no it's not in the budget? Yeah I guess. You walk into Victoria's Secret one time.. and ugh whatever, you know what no! I'm mad. I could of bought legos with that. I'm writing a google review after this, this is bull****. "
I wake up at 4am again, I feel nauseous. The MCD's have digested into a shitty feeling. My beloved has turned against me and now turns my belly annnnndddd I've got to go to the bathroom now.